I am not SeanDBlogonaut. I do not protesteth too much. I do not even protest too much. I have only attended three protests in my entire life, surely that is not too much, is it? I do not know where these silly rumours started, though some say they were born in an egg on a mountain top. That would just make the rumour Monkey though, and unlike this rumour, Monkey is irrepressible.
I have never sailed solo around the seven seas, discovering three more in the process and naming two of the three after myself and the third after my robot ninja monkey pirate companion. I have never been tasked with convincing migratory birds to try being immagratory for a day, nor have I saved the world from an asteroid by a man with half a set of glasses and three facial hairs. I do not understand how people could possibly mistake me as having danced the waltz on my hands across the entirety of the Great Wall of China, only stopping thrice to allow vagrant Tiktaalik’s to cross the road.
Why people think I the word “snowflake” is actually named after me in the lost language of the ancient Atlantians has always left me scratching my head, and to be perfectly honest those dinosaurs had it coming to them. The people of Lichtenstein never named a small town after me. It is just blatantly false that I ever taught Chuck Norris a lesson.
I do not know what possesses people to think I could have possibly done all of this, or any of it. I never have. Not a single thing listed here have I ever done. Come to think of it, neither has SeanDBlogonaut. Crap, maybe that means I am him after all?